Meet a Man - Our Interview With Nick

He's comfortable, but he came to party.

(Editor's note: This is the first in a three-part series of weekly interviews with the men who make this blog happen). 

As I handed the keys to my Toyota Camry to the valet at the Chateau Marmont, I realized I wasn't in Kansas anymore.  The glitz, glamor, and cavalcade of beautiful people everywhere made it obvious why Nick wanted to meet here: he'd be more comfortable around "his kind."

We met before the season began and Nick was clearly a little nervous, despite the surroundings.

I'm not really sure where I'll play this year.  I know Tanner will start at quarterback - he's the senior and he did a good job last year - but I should get on the field a lot when we're blowing teams out.

So you're going to blow a lot of teams out?  What if a key offensive player gets hurt?

Well, you never know, but I think we'll be fine. We're deep all over the place.  I mean, I'm the backup running back, backup wide receiver, backup tight end, backup quarterback, punter and sometimes backup punter, backup kick returner... I mean, if anyone goes down, we have a GREAT replacement behind him.

Nick was making some great points, but then he started to get a little testy.

Could you move a little to the left, man?  You're in my sun.  Jeez. 

I moved to the left and asked him about the coaching staff.

Well, we have this great new young coach working with the offensive skill players - Coach J. He's awesome.  Heck, he's like an older brother to me - and I should know, I have a great older brother.  And then we have Coach Dixon, who's great, even if he doesn't check his mail, and, really, I could go on but if I talk too much I'll accelerate facial wrinkling.  

What are you most looking forward to this season?

Oh, that's easy.  Homecoming.  I mean, yo, check it out - Abercrombie has this SICK tux that, like, just looks tight with my skin tone. 

I meant during the actual football season?

Oh, yeah, right.  Well, I just love football.  I love the game.  I'll do whatever it takes to get on the field, as long as it doesn't interfere with my studies and mani-pedi schedule. 

Have the guys given you a nickname yet?

Naw.  The pom squad calls me "a dentist," but I don't really understand that.

You sure they aren't saying "Adonis?"

I don't know.  What's an Adonis?

Never mind.  Let's just move on.  Our readers are interested in the people who've influenced you and made you who you are.  My research indicates you're very close with your family, but is there anyone outside your family that has influenced you or been a "hero" in your eyes.

Oh man, for sure.  I mean, Tom Brady has been a big influence.  He does everything just how I want to.  He makes great choices.  Everything's always done with class.  And he commands respect.  I also think Aaron Rodgers has it mostly figured out.  Mostly. 

At that point, Nick excused himself and ran towards the pool, saying he had to do something.  I quickly grabbed my camera:

Yeah, I still don't know what he's doing here.

 That abruptly ended the interview.  But I caught Nick on his cell several weeks later, after the Ships' 5-0 start to the season, to follow up on some of the things I missed during our first go-around.  I asked him if he's been enjoying his role this season.

Sure.  I mean, I was really disappointed that I wasn't going to be starting quarterback after we found out Jonah was going to be center.  Like, that would have been awesome!  But I've taken a few snaps from him this year, and that's been FANTASTIC!  I also got to throw a halfback option pass for a touchdown, which was pretty cool.  I'm holding and punting, and sometimes I run the ball.  Oh, and I dropped a pass.  That sucked.  But I'll catch the next one, I'm sure.

What about returning that kick against the Jaguars? 

Uhhhhh... Yeah!  That's right.  I did return a kickoff.  I've been doing so many different things I forgot about that one.  Yep, that was fun.  Until I got tackled. 

Who's been the MVP this year?

Oh, that's easy:  Fitch.  Abercrombie has been a little lackluster this season.

No, no, no - on the football team!  Who's been the MVP of the football team?  And I'm not even sure your answer makes sense in any context.

Ahhhhh.  OK.  Well, I don't think there's an MVP, per se.  Everyone contributes.  That being said, it's probably the guy who fills the water bottles.  We wouldn't be very good without any water.  

Nick, we know you're crazy good at driving boats and hunting... anything other hobbies you'd like to share with the readers of Two and A Half Men?

Nope.  I'm ready to go like R. Kelly at recess.

Go Ships!