Time to Lead

Is that who I think it is?

Well, he certainly was one of the players out there who gave a damn.  We'll see how the Half-Man's leadership following the loss translates onto the field during Homecoming.  I'm betting on the Ships.

Uneven Play

Does it look like he's 14 or is that just me?

The Half Man finally came across a Large Man that was almost too much to handle.  Jonah had 3 holding penalties in the first half and was heard coming to the sideline shouting "he's too big - I can't block him."  One of the many great things about this kid is he isn't afraid to ask for help.  The coaches must have listened and changed the scheme, because Jonah went off after that, piling up pancakes during the rest of the game.

Pancake Deprivation

The Half Man was oh-so-close this week.

The Half Man played a pretty good game Friday night, all things considered.  Although the syrup went untouched.  We need to use our syrup.  I think things will be different tonight.

The English Won A Battle!

You didn't think I was done with this, did you?

Another solid game for the Half Man.  A sack on defense and he prevented sacks on offense.  What more do you want?  How about anchoring a line that paved the way for over 400 yards of offense?  How's that?

Do Two Halves Equal A Whole?

Looks like that DT is shaking the crap outta you, J.

The Short Order Cook isn't just doling out pancakes anymore.  He's playing defensive end opposite The Rock vying for TFL's, sacks, and supermans.  He had another steady day and was the only offensive lineman who did not consistently miss his assignments.

Here Come The Ships

The cougars tell me they aren't just accomplished football players - they're also pretty cute.

Welcome back!  It's been far, far too long.  If you're new to the blog this year, I encourage you to read the initial post to get a sense of why I started doing this.  In fact, this blog was started for just two and a half people, and their parents.  10,000 page views later, it's become something else.  The popularity of the blog, combined with my new role this year, will likely change how I approach my posts this year.  But I will try and stay true to the two things that made the blog such a success last year: a celebration of the Lincoln Ships Football Team and the necessary snark to keep everyone entertained and humble.

After the jump is the only 2012 Lincoln Ships Football Preview you'll ever need to read (with apologies to the HTR).  Let's go Ships!  #ShipsPride

The Kitchen Is Closed

Dear Half-Man of the Year,

Bravo! You gave a man who had little understanding of offensive line play a reason to study and appreciate it.  It may sound silly to my female readers (if there are any) but anytime I learn a new way to appreciate football, I'm a happy man.

That being said, STOP LOSING WEIGHT!  I know it's wrestling season now and you've been locked in that sauna for 36 hours... but stop.  Have some Halloween candy. Challenge yourself and wrestle at a normal weight class.  You know losing weight like that is unhealthy.  And all I care about is your well-being.  I would never give you that advice out of fear for how you'll block next season if you're even skinnier than you already are.  Never.  Really.  Honestly.  Why is everyone rolling their eyes?

As far as advice for next year - I have no idea.  You could do what this guy does, as long as you hit the weights and Bongo's program.  But advice for a half-man center?  That's new territory for me.  I will say this - go be a leader with Austin and Nick.  Get everyone involved.  Spread the word of how much fun you had this season, just in case there's someone out there who didn't notice.  Also, dress like me again.  You really never looked better.  Although, I won't be held responsible for stampede of women you'll leave in your wake.

Playoff Pancakes!

"It's just me against the world, baby..."

Sure, the Short Order Cook was called for a holding penalty (first of the year?) but he still spearheaded a group that dominated their opponent for another 300 yard rushing day by the Ships.  Well done, sir.  Well done indeed.

Someone Got a Widdle Chilly

You know that long sleeves aren't against the rules, right?

What can you say about the Short Order Cook and the rest of the hogs Friday night?  The Load, the Island of Austin Morreau and the rest of 'em pounded the birds for 356 yards rushing on 52 carries.  But before I get to the pictures, I gotta get this off my chest:

Wear long sleeves!  Wear the tights!  Wear whatever will help you stay warm during the game!  Why do you think going sleeveless is what a "Real Man" would do?  You know how you can prove you're a real man?  Stay warm (which will increase your performance) and kick the other guy's ass all over the field!  This isn't 1938.  We know you play better when you aren't freezing cold.  Buy a thermal and some tights and go kick some ass during the playoffs!  Take it from someone who knows: you don't want to play in snow without sleeves, so go get them now!

He Came To Play On The Final Drive

I don't want to be a downer - I'm still flying from the end of that game - but this wasn't Jonah's best game.  In fact, it looked like he didn't eat his Wheaties.  Who would have thought the Short Order Cook would be better making pancakes at night than on a beautiful Saturday afternoon?  Actually, it probably was just the competition - I think I know who Jonah would vote for at DT if he had an All-Conference vote.  On the other hand, Jonah played like a champ on that final drive, only making one bad snap from his hated shotgun formation (Tanner made a great one-handed stab on the high snap - no harm, no foul).

Powder Puff Action

She lost the battle but won the war: Paige = Homecoming Queen.  I'll Krump to that!

Exciting action at Ron Rubick Municipal Field Wednesday night!  The junior powder puff squad upset the senior class for the first time in recent memory.  We'll blog that game over at Title IX by tomorrow night and provide a link to it here.  However, since the game prominently featured Nick and Jonah (as coaches for the victorious junior squad), and Paige, First Lady of one of our Men and your 2011 Lincoln Homecoming Queen, we had to put something related to the game on this blog.  Congrats to all the junior ladies for kicking some senior ass, and to Paige for taking it all so well.

------------------UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE!!!------------------

Click HERE for the whole story.

 Click "Read more" for other versions of the above pic.

All Outta Pancakes

Either batter is at a premium or he's saving up for homecoming, because I didn't see a single pancake this week.  And I even brought pure maple syrup to the game...

Hmmmmm... Looks like the Short Order Cook has #51 this week.

Jonah: "Sorry, Big Cat.  That one's on me."

That's more like it.

In any other context, you'd think they were about to kiss.

I have to hand it to him here.  Jonah didn't get the pancake, but watch how he throws this Bic Mac eating hog aside in the next photo.

Those pics were taken less than a second apart, btw.  That makes me think he could handle the 195 class this wrestling season.  Just sayin'.

Smallest player Jonah's blocked all year.  In fact, he asked if this was the JV team.

"There there.  Let it out.  Let it out."

All that hugging blocking is hard work, though.  Looks like he needs something.

I swear he's doing this on purpose.  It's a joke now.  He actually waves at me to make sure I take the picture.

I'd say something, but Suzuki seems like a nice guy... just be glad I didn't have time for Photoshop this week.

Meet a Half Man - Our Interview With Jonah

Nick is looking for the other half of Jonah.

(Editor's note: This is the second installment in a three-part series of weekly interviews with the men who make this blog happen.  Click here for Part I). 

I met the Short Order Cook at the library.  He was at a table completely surrounded by books: pre-calc, history, physics, the complete works of Shakespeare, four of the Sweet Valley Twins series, Beezus and Ramona, a devotional, a book about cats, and a "how-to" book. 

Pssst - hey - I'm over here. Hurry up, I don't have much time. Gotta get this pre-calc done or Mrs. DeRoche will have my half-ass.

I wanted to start at the beginning and ask the question that's been on everyone's mind this season: why stay so trim if he was going to snap the ball and battle the fatties?  Wasting no time, Jonah handed me a photo of him as a youth.  

When I was a kid, I was more one-and-a-half-man than half-man.  I got teased a little bit.  Look, I always had my special friends - Rebecca and Jessica were always there for me - but it was a traumatic experience.  I never wanted to feel that way again.  EVER.  So, no matter what position the coaches put me in, I'm always going to stay a half-man.  Hey, you're not going to use that picture on the website, are you?

Yes, yes I am.

God.  Really?  C'mon.  Well, at least let everyone know I'm holding a first place trophy in that picture.  First place for my haircut.  That cut was pretty cool back then.

Noted.  Now Jonah, we've heard you've been recently named a co-head coach of the Junior powder puff football team along with full-man, Nick.  Congrats, lil' buddy!

Thanks man.  It's really exciting.  Practices have been more intense than I ever imagined.  I really think the Juniors have a shot to win this year.  But Nick is spending all his time tutoring the quarterback. 

I explained that it made sense that Nick would work with the quarterback.

Sure, but he could do something else, too!  I mean, I'm already not sleeping.  I can barely watch game film.  I'm not showing up at student council stuff.  I need some help.  And have you SEEN how crazy some of these girls are?  Just look at this picture taken from practice yesterday:

Uhhh, Eden... I just want you to know you've always been my favorite sister-in-law, and I'm sorry for all the times I teased you.

Yes, girls can be crazy.  Nonetheless, it seems like he's doing just fine without sleep and watching game film.

Easy for you to say.  I'm under so much pressure.  No.  Literally.  Have you seen how fat the guys I have to block are?  They're enormous.  LOTS of pressure there, bro.  Also, I'm feeling a little under the weather. 

Deciding it would be better to leave and stay healthy than stay and risk illness, I got up to leave.

Hey - wait! You can't leave yet.  We haven't even talked about how brilliant I am.  You said the focus of the interview was gonna be on how I'm such great student and the other day Eden called me a "master debater."  Can't you write about how rare that is in football these days.

I'm not so sure it's hard to find master debaters on a high school football team, but, sure - let's talk about how brilliant you are. First, why "master debater?" 

Well, Eden and I were having this really high-minded discussion and, at the end, she conceded the point after calling me a "master debater."  

I'm not gonna touch that one.  How about schoolwork?

All A's.   They call me the Little Aristotle. 

I see you have a book on Shakespeare on your desk.  Do you have to read a Shakespeare play?

Yup.

I asked him which one, and he answered after scanning the book.

William.

Anything else?

I'm into politics.  You know, gotta follow the world and all.  

How about work - you have any part time jobs?

Yeah, I umpire in the summer for little league.

How sweet.  Any career aspirations?

Fireman, for sure.  Did you know that there was a fire in the Sheboygan South High School library last week?  They lost 60 books.

No.  That's awful.

Yeah.  But the real tragedy is 50 of them weren't colored yet.

Go Ships!

Pancakes for Breakfast Again?

Jonah got it goin' Friday night.  I swear, every week his opponents get bigger and bigger.  Does. Not. Matter.

Ever wonder how he got so good at making pancakes?

I'm all out of pancake jokes.

Nothing like a tasty beverage to wash those pancakes down.

This one actually looks like a fair fight.

Not a fair fight.

These next three photos are all of one play.  It'll give you a good idea of what the Short Order Cook is doing during the game.

First of all, #74 is a Ticonderoga Class Cruiser, tipping the scales at 300 pounds.

Cook don't care.  He just keeps drive blocking.

And that's how far he took a 300 pound defensive lineman for a ride.  I no longer feel bad about being thrown off that raft.

He's got 300lber in his teeth.

Uh, Jonah?  Get in front of the team the next time your butt itches.  We can see you.

Parents' Night

I'd be remiss if I didn't pay tribute to the parents who raised our two and a half men...

Hey, Jonah - don't look so happy!  C'mon, man.  You'll have plenty of time to bust playas up soon...

See - look at Nick.  That's how's it's done.  Everybody's happy here...

Derek: "What is your mother doing?"  Austin: "I'm not even gonna look"

Austin:  "Wait, Dad, NO!  He's gonna put that on his blog!"

Susie:  "Blog?  SIGN ME UP!"

Would You Like Syrup With That?

This was a nasty performance by the Short Order Cook.  N.A.S.T.Y.  But I won't waste any time on prose, since he "doesn't have any time" to read it.  Waah-waah.

"Yes, Jonah, you handle the ball just fine.  But you're still playing center."  Coach D

Uh, I don't think it works if you only block ONE of them.

Let's hug it out.

You can tell it's Jonah by looking at the leg size.

Yep.

Jonah: "What'd you have for dinner?"  #74: "What didn't I have?"

"How's the family?  Good.  Got plans for the weekend?  Nice.  I think I'll be making more pancakes."

"I didn't say I would pancake YOU!  Relax."

"I meant this guy."

"Hahahaha."

"Sorry, I'm running out of syrup."

Who does he remind you of?

I'm not even gonna ask.