The Kitchen Is Closed

Dear Half-Man of the Year,

Bravo! You gave a man who had little understanding of offensive line play a reason to study and appreciate it.  It may sound silly to my female readers (if there are any) but anytime I learn a new way to appreciate football, I'm a happy man.

That being said, STOP LOSING WEIGHT!  I know it's wrestling season now and you've been locked in that sauna for 36 hours... but stop.  Have some Halloween candy. Challenge yourself and wrestle at a normal weight class.  You know losing weight like that is unhealthy.  And all I care about is your well-being.  I would never give you that advice out of fear for how you'll block next season if you're even skinnier than you already are.  Never.  Really.  Honestly.  Why is everyone rolling their eyes?

As far as advice for next year - I have no idea.  You could do what this guy does, as long as you hit the weights and Bongo's program.  But advice for a half-man center?  That's new territory for me.  I will say this - go be a leader with Austin and Nick.  Get everyone involved.  Spread the word of how much fun you had this season, just in case there's someone out there who didn't notice.  Also, dress like me again.  You really never looked better.  Although, I won't be held responsible for stampede of women you'll leave in your wake.

Is that how you blocked Tyler in practice? With your hand on his neck?

No, Jonah, the answers to your calc homework aren't down there, either.

I didn't have enough quality images of the Short Order Cook this week.  My bad.  So here's the original of the banner image, complete with a yawning Paige.

And here's Jonah, rocking the water bot... what?  WHAT?!?  THAT'S NOT JONAH!?!  I DIDN'T GET A PIC OF JONAH GOBBLING A WATER BOTTLE?!?  Now I know why we lost.  You just don't mess with a routine...

Go Ships!