Meet a Man - Our Interview with Austin

Which way to the gym?

(Editor's note: This is the third installment in a three-part series of weekly interviews with the men who make this blog happen.  Click here for Part I and here for Part II). 

I met the Bear at Pizza Ranch, a new pizza restaurant in town that offers an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet.  Austin had been there for several hours. 

Yo.  I was just about to take a break.  Have a seat.

I explained the angle for my story and how my readers wanted to know what it's like being fawned over by so many grown men: college football coaches.

I wouldn't say they're "fawning" over me.  But it's pretty cool that some colleges are interested in having me play for them.  

Which schools?

Wisconsin, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Michigan, Michigan State, Illinois, Minnesota, Maharishi University of Management, Philander University, Madonna University, Life University, and Moorhead U. (which sounds like a fun campus).

Whoa!  Sounds like a lot of places.  How do you narrow that down?

Well, I've been going on the unofficial campus visits which is when they invite you to attend a game and get a tour around campus.  There are some private meetings with coaches and stuff.  It's been pretty fun.

I've read about these visits in magazines and newspapers.  Is it true that they try and hook young recruits with cute coeds?

I couldn't say, man.  They knew I was an FCA member when I got to Nebraska so they had no reason to try any of that disrespectful to women stuff on me.  And while I sat at the 50 yard line, I certainly didn't notice the fitted, tight-meshed racer-backed tops with sequined lettering and 1/16th stitching that the cheer squad was wearing.  I also didn't notice their skimpy, tailor-made A-line red and white skirts barely covering their black lace bloomers.  And there is no way I noticed the short brunette with secondhand Steinways for legs that met at the most perfect apple bottom you've ever seen, which was only the beginning of her beauty for as your eyes drifted up, a stomach flatter than the plain in Spain which spanned for miles until it rose to her ample "Nebraska's," which led to her long, lithe neck that supported the most wholesome face with baby-blue eyes you ever saw.  And that mellifluous voice.  Wow.  Nope, I missed all of that.  And you'll make sure it's clear I didn't notice any of that, right?  My mom might read this.

Accurate reporting is what we do here, Austin.  But, "mellifluous"?  Where did you pick that up?

 I've got the ACTs this year.  Gotta know my vocab boy!

OK, wow. So, how about your visit to Michigan?  How did that go?

Ann Arbor is a whore?  That's what you wanted me to say, right?

Uhhhhhh, heh heh, let's just move along.

OK, but I gotta get home for dinner.  Can we move this to my house?

While confused (there were platters scattered around the table with crumbs on them, so I had assumed he was full).  I told him I'd meet him at his place after I picked my camera up for one last shot.  This is what I found when I got to Austin's house:

And that was his SECOND supper.

It takes a lot of fuel to get a 6'5" teenage boy ready for some football.  Glad I don't have to foot this grocery bill.  I asked him how his parents could afford his hunger.

Well, that's why I work at a grocery store.  Discounted groceries baby!

Let's get back to football.  I don't want to get too technical for our readers, but you play defensive end in a 3-5-3 alignment, which is something you don't see too often on a football field.  When people hear defensive end, they must think "Reggie White" but that's not what you do, is it?

No, not at all.  My job on the field is to push into the 3 gap - that's the gap between the tackle and the guard - and try to occupy as many blockers as I can so the linebackers can make the play.  If I make the play myself, great.  But if I don't take up those two blockers, all I hear is "UNACCEPTABLE!"

That's gotta be tough, it's like banging your head into a wall 70 times a night.

Naw - I'm used to it.  It's like when my dad says.

He didn't finish his thought.  So I asked: says what?

No - It's like when my dad says.  I mean, anything.  When he says anything it's like banging my head into a wall 70 times a night.  I've grown up with this.  It's no biggie.  You know.  You know my dad.

That was a fantastic point and it really put Austin's job on the field into perspective: he was perfect for this! It was an epiphany.

Yeah.  Anyone who knows him understands that.  

OK, so you have any plans for Homecoming?

Well, I've got some great moves planned for the dance floor.  But kids should watch out - I'm a dangerous dude out there!

We know, Austin.  Go Ships!